Exist
/Grant to us, Lord, we pray, the spirit to think and do always those things that are right, that we, who cannot exist without you, may by you be enabled to live according to your will; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
-This Sunday’s Collect
As we continue to ponder Jesus as the ‘bread of life’ this month our Sunday collect bluntly reminds us that without God, we would not exist. I don’t know about you, but while I often give thanks to God for a lot of things, existing is not generally one of them. Sure, I thank God for the beauty of creation, for my loved ones, my health, etc. I might even thank God for my life in general, and for all that is in it. But I can’t remember really thanking God for willing me to exist.
This reminds me of how I naturally see things from my own point of view - and how easy it is to put myself at the center of all things, even when I’m giving God praise and thanks. I mean, it’s all well and good to think of Jesus as a wise teacher who will show me the way. It’s great to consider Jesus as a loving healer in my life or even a savior in my times of trouble. It’s at the core of our faith to thank God in Christ for all things at all times. But I think it’s another thing again to really absorb that without God I would not even be here. And without God’s will for me to live, I would not be able to continue existing.
It’s just that our lives seem to be just that - our lives. We make our own choices, deal with our own problems and build our own dreams. I know that while lots of people never give God much of a thought until they’re in some kind of foxhole, there are many of us who consider Jesus our constant companion. But no matter how close we feel to Jesus, we all, to some extent, think of him as a valuable commodity in our lives, as if he’s something that we can call up from our list of resources at various times when we need him, as if he’s an important tool in our own toolboxes.
Even the most faithful among us, those who consider Jesus the most important thing in our lives, know that we have to continually practice returning and returning and returning again to Jesus’ presence, because we’re so easily distracted by so many things - things that lead us to believe that we, of course, steer our own ships thank you very much.
The deepest spiritual truth is that Jesus is not a thing for us to use. Jesus the one in whom we live and move and have our being. The alpha and the omega, beginning and end. The way, the truth and the life. The very bread we eat and water we drink and air we breathe. Jesus is all in all, without whom we would not even exist. Jesus is not only the source of our lives, but the substance of it.
Grant to us the spirit to think and do always those things that are right, that we, who cannot exist without you, may by you be enabled to live according to your will.
This prayer is one tall order. I certainly already know I won’t always do and think those things that are right. But the prayer reminds me that if I can more often remember that without God I would not exist - and cannot exist, perhaps I can be humble enough to do and think what is right a little more often.
